I found out I was pregnant when I travelled to spend a week with a friend whose mother had died. She needed company and I was all she had so I travelled to see her. While there, I started getting the symptoms of pregnancy. My friend thought it was malaria so I tested for malaria. It was negative but the feeling persisted until I tested for pregnancy. Immediately the stripes turned red, I called Nana, “I’m pregnant. I just tested and it’s positive.”....CONTINUE READING
He responded jovially, “Two years with me, you didn’t get pregnant. You travelled to see a friend for only a week and you’re pregnant? Who’s that guy?”
I sent him a photo of the test kit and asked him to be serious. “This is not the time to joke. Let’s think about what to do quickly before I come back home.”
We talked about it in the morning. We continued in the afternoon. In the evening when we talked, he concluded I should get rid of it which I agreed. I asked him to send me money and he responded, “Why should I send you money? Am I the only one responsible for the pregnancy? Ask them to also contribute.”
It’s the way he said it and the seriousness with which he threw the answer at me. I wanted to pretend it was a joke but when I gave him the opportunity to change his answer, he repeated the same thing. I told him, “That’s OK. I will get the money from the rest of the guys. Don’t bother.”
We didn’t talk again until I got back home. He called my phone but I didn’t answer. He came home that evening to ask if I’d gotten rid of it. I didn’t even want to see his face. He came to make the issue worse. He said, “If you don’t get rid of it, don’t ever stand anywhere and call me the father of the child. You admitted there are others. Let them father the child. I know nothing about it.”
If I were stronger than him, I would have beaten him back and blue that day. For two years he didn’t accuse me of cheating and didn’t see me with other men. I got pregnant only to be called names? I decided to keep the baby to show him I was capable of taking care of a baby without his help. I told him, “You’ll one day crawl here to accept the responsibility of this child but I won’t give it to you. Mark my word anywhere.”
The two-year relationship came to an end at my doorstep when he stormed out of my room that day. I was hurt in my heart but I knew in my head what I was going to do. I was going to keep the baby. I took everything that was happening as a sign to keep the baby and not get rid of it.
Later when tempers came down, I called Nana. All day he didn’t pick up my calls only to realize in the evening that he had blocked my number. To be honest with you, I was scared. I didn’t know if I was doing the right thing. Some nights I contemplated getting rid of it but my conscience was stronger.
I was three months pregnant when Zack came along. He came as a friend but as the days went by, I began thinking there was more to him than just a friend. He called more than friends would do. When he got to know where I lived, he visited more often than friends would do and each time he came, he came with gifts friends wouldn’t bring. I started asking myself questions, “Does he know I’m pregnant?”
I would go and stand in the mirror and look at my stomach, run my hands around it and say, “It’s not showing so he might not know but what does he want? Men and trouble. Just when you think you’ve gotten rid of one, another will appear to give you more trouble.”
I didn’t wait for him to state his mission in my life before telling him I was pregnant. He didn’t act surprised or say anything that suggested he was disappointed. He rather congratulated me and asked if it was a boy or a girl. The next time he was visiting, he came with this small football and told me to keep it for him. I was laughing. “How did you know it’s a boy?” He answered, “I have a feeling it’s a boy. If you like let’s bet.”
I liked him more each day and came to expect his calls the way a girlfriend expects the call of her boyfriend. When he told me he was coming to visit, I couldn’t wait to see him around. He asked about the father of the baby with a face that looked like he was scared of the answer I would give. I told him, “He’s there. He doesn’t believe he’s the father of the child. Maybe he’ll believe when the child is here.” He asked, “And you’ll give it to him when you had gone through everything all alone?” I answered, “Time will tell. Let’s wait and see.”
Zack proposed to me when I was four months pregnant. I laughed at him. “Be serious. What do you need a pregnant woman for? Go out there and get yourself a flat tummy woman. They are there in abundance and they’ll fall for you. Stop teasing me.”
He looked into my eyes and said it slowly, “I’m serious. Yes, I didn’t know you were pregnant when I met you. But my feelings for you haven’t changed since you told me. I’m even surprised at myself. For wanting to be with you in this state but it is what it is. What can I do?”
When I told my mom about it she warned me to be careful so I don’t get used for a ritual. My friend, the one I visited laughed at me at first. She said, “Seriously? And you believe him? Maybe it’s a prank. Ask about it again.”
He was serious so I said yes to him, hoping he and the baby would bond even before he arrived. I didn’t know how to handle it. It was new to me, to have a boyfriend while pregnant. I didn’t even know what he wanted so I kept asking him, “Do you think this will work out? What will you tell your parents when they find out about us?” He answered, “Don’t worry. I can even tell them I’m responsible for this pregnancy.”
Everything was weird but I was intrigued. I wanted to know how far it goes. I was curious.
Nana got to know about us and he felt vindicated. He started telling friends that he knew he wasn’t responsible. I didn’t pay him attention. My attention was on Zack.
I met his brother. He didn’t introduce me to him as anything. I met his aunt too. He didn’t introduce me. When I asked why he told me he didn’t want them to send the message to his parents. We were having sex. Each sex brought us closer. He made love to me like I wasn’t pregnant. It was fun the way he teased me afterwards. I wanted to love him with all I had but the voice in my head kept telling me to pull the breaks. It was like a disaster was looming.
When I was seven months gone, he came to live with me. He helped with the house chores and asked me to relax. He ran away from work just to come and be with me. I’m a teacher. I was home earlier. It felt like marriage. I was waiting to give birth so we could make things official. That was his own assurance. I relied heavily on it until I finally gave birth.
After delivery, he went back to his house because my mom came to live with me. Things started changing. He didn’t come around as often as he did. He said my mom was the reason. He didn’t call until I called him. I asked what the problem was and he said nothing was wrong. He didn’t attend the naming ceremony. He didn’t even call to ask how it went. I sent him a text asking him to be honest with me, “You don’t want to go through with me again, right? It’s OK if you’ve changed your mind. Just tell me.”
“My parents don’t think you’re a good idea. They don’t want to hear me talk about you. That’s the truth and the truth is the reason,” he responded.
I was so in love with him I started breaking down. “How? What’s their problem? OK, forget about them and let’s be us again. It’s not necessary to even make it official. Let’s take our time.”
He said no. He didn’t want to disrespect his parents. I pleaded with him to come and see me so we talk about it. I tried going to see him with the baby. He didn’t want to see us. To him, it’s the end because his parents have said so. My breast milk dried up for almost a week. I was feeling sick but I wasn’t sick. I opened up to my mom and she said, “Was it not strange that a guy like him would love a pregnant woman? Strange things come to an end too. Forget about him.”
I try. He was with me for six months but I mourn him than I’ve ever mourned any relationship. The thing is, I still haven’t given up on him. Men go and come back all the time so the girl in me is leaving his space bare, just in case he changes his mind.
How I Met The Woman Of My Dreams
It’s the hope that kills us. It’s our own expectations that prolong the pain, right? I sing his lullaby to my child and tell him not to worry because Daddy Zack will be coming soon. I still have the small football. I still have his presence in my mind. I’ve never given a second chance to any ex-boyfriend. It’s the reason I don’t care if Nana comes to claim his child or not but with Zack it’s different.
I want him again. I was pregnant when I found him. He didn’t find me at my best. Pregnancy is over. I’m lighter. My body is no longer anyone’s home. He should come and occupy it, this space he has left bare in my life.